Quite a bit has happened since Monday.  When I went back on Tuesday morning Randy had taken a turn for the worse.  He had tried to do things by himself overnight and missed the edge of the bed and fell down.  Bruised his right side ribs and leg but otherwise ok.  He also was having trouble keeping anything down.  If he drank any water or when they gave him his meds through the tube he would throw up - so his pain spiked up because he was not getting his pain relief.  There was also blood coming up, which means there is some internal bleeding - most likely from the tumor.  They also decided to move Randy to a private room so that he could have a better space, more quiet, bigger area for family.  Moved him around 2 pm.  So much better.
I spent Tuesday night at the hospital with Randy.  He was able to finally get  some sleep.  Also giving him his pain relief meds through the sub q line helped him get the pain under control. They suspended giving him his Tinzaparin to see if it would slow down the bleeding.  It's a balancing act....blood clot prevention or slowing down the bleeding.  By end of day Wednesday there was little to no blood in his throw up. 

Randy and I  have made a heartbreaking and difficult decision to move him to a hospice rather than being able to coming home.   It would have been nice to have him at home but he is at the point where I would become fulltime caregiver and would lose the chance to be with him and not worry about everything.  He will have 24 hour care and that allows me, the boys and rest of family/friends to spend time with him as a wife/son/brother/mother/sister/friend without having to worry about the "care" side of things.  Gave them our top three choices so will have to wait and see where a bed becomes available.  He will be moved with in a day or two. 

Please pray that Randy's final journey is speedy and pain free as possible.  It's so very hard to let go but he is so tired and has had enough of this suffering.  He deserves to be free.  Has suffered enough. I came across this poem below.  I think it says it all:

It's Ok To Go

© Lori Daoust

                     

You were sick and tired and we all knew,
that God would soon come to take you.
You fought so hard, so very long,
but through the pain, you stayed strong.

We all knew there would come a day,
when God would come to carry you away.
It doesn’t make it easier to say goodbye,
and I try so hard not to cry.

I can’t help but feel defeated,
or even maybe a little cheated.
But how very selfish would I be,
to hope and pray you could stay with me.

So as you laid there tubes running to and fro,
I had to tell you "It's ok to go".
Say "Hi" to loved ones waiting on the other side.
I know some day; you'll be there when I take that ride.

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/its-ok-to-go#ixzz318OqmsUx
Family Friend Poems